(Written June 3, 2016
while flying over Madagascar. Posting now when I finally had time to sit down
at the computer.)
Over the past few weeks, I have said many goodbyes to the
people and places that have been by family and home for the past 9 months. As I
said in the previous post, I call this “the Goodbye Season”.
The hardest by far of all the goodbyes have been the people.
When you live in such close community like we do on the ship, people you meet,
even just for a few weeks become more than friends. Life on the Africa Mercy
has its own culture that is nearly indescribable and hard to understand unless
you’ve experienced it. I have been extremely blessed to have an incredibly
close group of friends that mostly came together to the ship in August with a
few additions along the way – and what’s even better is that most of them will
be back onboard for some time during the next field service in Benin, making
the goodbyes much easier (more like ‘see you later’). It hurts my heart to even
think how much harder “goodbye season” would be if I didn’t know I was coming
back in a few months! Nevertheless there are a few friends who are moving on
from life on the Africa Mercy and those goodbyes have nearly broken me. I joke
that I have probably cried more times in the past 9 months than the previous 9
years! This place will do that to you! Thanks to technology and easy travel,
there is a good likelihood I may see some of these people again, but the hole
they will leave on the ship is hard to fill. I’ve found that with each person
who comes and goes, I notice something memorable about them that changes once
they’re gone. It may be an empty office, a missing breakfast companion or the
spot we would share our coffee break – each person changes the atmosphere of a
place and memories of them are all around.
The final goodbye is in process as I write this from
thousands of feet in the air about Madagascar. Yesterday, we drove from our
little port city of Tamatave to the capital city, Antananarivo, where we spent
the night before boarding our flight today (‘we’ because I’m leaving with a
group of 5 other girls and traveling to South Africa before heading home).
Madagascar is an exotic country full of beauty and diversity. The people have
been welcoming and generous – showing us all their country has to offer and
laughing along with us in our feeble attempts to learn their language. “Azafady
Tompoko, Malagasy Kely Kely!!” (Very sorry, little Malagasy!) I never imagined
before coming how much excitement Madagascar would have to offer and how much exploring
we would get to do while serving here. My fellow crew will laugh at this, but I
naively imagined we would rarely leave the ship and I never considered the idea
of vacation time, haha! Instead, I’ve had the opportunity to travel several
times around this country and spend many weekends and days off out exploring
the town! The past few days were spent revisiting all my favorite places: the
little hidden café for coffee and homemade chocolate croissants, the Bazaar
where they know who we are and what items are our favorite, the grocery store
where I learned the French word for flour and how to buy yummy local Malagasy
snacks, the man on Beach Road who chops open a fresh, cold coconut for me to
drink for about $.30, the ice cream shop with the most incredible passion fruit
sorbet, and the secluded Oceanside hotel with the goat cheese salad and best
chocolate mousse (and where they don’t mind if you sit all day reading a book
or chatting with friends!). And this is just to name a few. I’ve taken a piece
of Madagascar with me in my heart and left a huge chunk of myself here on this
magical island.
So how do I make sense of this inevitable part of the life
I’ve chosen to live? This is only my first experience with ‘the Goodbye Season’
so I am not an expert by far. But I do know a few ‘experts’ who’ve experienced
this 5 or 10 times before and even they say there’s no easy answer. It never
gets easier to say goodbye unless you close yourself off and become hardened to
people – something I will fight to never let happen! Why does God put us here
to meet amazing people and visit incredible places and open our hearts to new
friends – only to have them ripped away? There are many thoughts on this and
each person has to cope with it in their own way. For me, I’ve come to the
realization that God is not in the business of intentionally hurting us.
Instead, he allows us to experience His awesome creation – people and places –
even if only for a short time. I know in my heart that each person has been put
in this place at this time for a reason. He doesn’t allow accidents or make
mistakes. Rather than focusing on the sadness of leaving, I am forced to
appreciate what each interaction has brought to my life. Each goodbye is a
person who impacted my life; or maybe I was a part of something they needed
during this time. Even in a short few months, I have learned so much from
knowing these people, and I will carry those bits in my heart forever. Instead
of pieces of my heart being ripped away, I prefer the image of my heart being
molded and shaped with each person leaving their mark for me to cherish always.
I wish I could wrap this up with a bow all nice and neat,
but the truth is I’ve shed a few tears just as I’ve written this out. Also know
that I don’t write this expecting sympathy (except in the form of prayer for
wisdom and comfort through these transitions). I write this from a place of
authentic honesty and openness to show that while this life has so much beauty
and wonderful things to offer, it can also be hard and take its toll on your
mind, heart and emotions.
Want some more honesty?? I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING!!
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